by jillyapsuga

The greatest burden in life is knowing that you will die.  It is my greatest fear.  I have no idea what happens after. Religion and science are at odds when it comes to death.  I watched a woman die last year.  I was a hospice volunteer, and the woman I was visiting died while I was there.  I didn’t even realize she had died at first.  Being present at the moment of death is a transforming experience.  It raised religious doubts I had suppressed for years.  I’m still struggling with them, but something more tangible came from that night.

 Seeing a person die deepened my understanding of life.  In one breath it’s over.  Finished. It made me question the decisions I was making.  Was I listening to myself?  How was I reacting and interacting with the world I have been given? Months passed before I was able to process all this.  Hell, I’m still processing it.  But one thing is certain.  The way I view the world is different.  I am a human being.  Capable of inflicting pain on others and myself.  I am also able to contribute something to my environment.  Myself.  I choose to make that contribution a positive one.  It is a work in process.  And when my day comes, I hope to feel complete in my decisions.  We all want to imagine that death is a far off concept.  It is how we stay sane.  There is no benefit to dwelling on death.  The real focus should be on living. Life by definition is the capacity for growth and continual change.  The saying goes ‘live each day as though it’s your last’.  I disagree.  Live each day as though it is your first.  Grab hold of it and never let go.